I really wonder how you feel on these nights so alone

“wishing hoping believing”

wow.

27 August 2014 || 22:54

It has been 2 years. I even forgotten which email account this is attached to.

Blogging from my new toy! Okay not that new maybe at 1.5 months old? Hahaha.
Loving it cos I finally having something somewhat similar to a computer. Hooray!
One reason why I stopped blogging is probably cos my Toshiba died on me:(

My last post was surviving 3 weeks of work.and now it has been 2 years and 1 month as a working adult. It feels kind of sad cos I feel that nth much has happened for the past 2 years.

Things happened of course. Good and bad things.which many I can't recall at this moment.which is saddening I feel. Cos that would mean that nth significant happened.

Recently I have been trying to make changes. Changes to make myself a better person, in various ways. But because I am terribly lazy, I failed. As usual. Sigh.
I really really hate myself being lazy.

And being a woman, you cannot be lazy. That's what I feel laa. You have to constantly keep yourself in shape. Do exercises, go facial, every morning and night must put on all the beauty products, make sure your hair looks nice and not frizzy and messy, do your nails, moisturise your body and many many more.
But I am SUPER lazy. I really can't be bothered with all this. Okay I do them time to time. But on a daily routine or weekly, I really cannot.
I will always end up forgetting this and that. Too lazy to do crunches, or lotion my body and blahhhh.

I do know that as you grow older, the more you should take care of your body.before everything is too late. That's why I am trying. Still trying:X

and another change I go to make or intending to, is to study. Many ppl I know are studying so I guess it's nth special. But the part that worries me is that I am studying on a completely different field. Although it's something that I wanna study since long ago, I am scared still.
Would it be the right choice? Would people want to hire me? What if halfway through I feel that I am not suitable?
And I would have to start from square one again. Is it worth it?

I would love to stay in my current job, but it's pay is really too low. Maybe not low low but I really dun want to be barely surviving. And for my family, I feel the burden to earn more.

You will never find out if you never try. But I dunno if I can afford to slowly take my time and find a job I truly want.

Regretting wouldn't bring you anywhere so stop regretting.

How I wish someone can plan my future for me.so that I dun have to crack my head thinking which is a better choice.
This reminds me of The Giver that I am reading recently. Trying to finish the book before I go for the movie.hahah. interesting book!
The citizens are not given choices. Everything is decided for them and so they just have to follow the plan.But it's so sad. They lost their freedom of choice for everything. Not even the choice of their spouses.

Sigh.